How does a farmer count a herd of cows?
-With a Cowculator
What's a cow's favorite moosical note?
Why don't cats play poker in the jungle?
-Too many cheetahs
What do cats like to eat for breakfast?
A man was driving down the road with twenty penguins in the back seat. The police stop him and say that he can't drive around with the penguins in the car and should take them to the zoo. The man agrees and drives off.
The next day the same man is driving down the road with twenty penguins in the back and again. He is stopped by the same police officer who says, "Hey! I though I told you to take those to the zoo."
The man replies "I did. Today I'm taking them to the movies."
Three birders walk into a bar. The fourth one ducks. (ha....!!)
Birder 1: What kind of bird is that?
Birder 2: A gulp.
Birder 1: A gulp? Never heard of it.
Birder 2: It's like a swallow, only it's bigger
What do you get when you cross a dog with a telephone?
-A Golden Receiver!
What did the dog say when he sat on the sandpaper?
MERGER ANNOUNCEMENT: Polygram Records, Warner Brothers and Keebler: New company will be called Poly-Warner-Cracker.
(kids love this one....)A duck walks into a bar and asks, "Do you have any grapes?" The bartender says, "No, I am sorry, we have cherries and olives but no grapes." "Oh," says the duck and leaves. Ten minutes later the duck returns and asks the same bartender, "Do you have any grapes?" "Like I said before, we have cherries and olives, but WE DON'T HAVE GRAPES!" says the bartender. "Oh," says the duck and leaves. But ten minutes later the duck returns and again asks, "Do you have any grapes?" "Look, beak lips," screams the bartender. "WE HAVE NO GRAPES!, we will never have NO grapes! and if you ask me again, I am going to nail your webby little feet to the floor!!!" "Oh," says the duck and leaves. Ten minutes later, the door swings open and the duck returns. The bartender is furious. He slams a bottle of beer down on the bar, stares menacingly at the duck and screams, "WHAT???!!" "Uh...uh...do ...you ...have...any....NAILS?" "Nails? Nails? No, we don't have nails," answers the bartender. "Mmmm," says the duck. "So, do you have any grapes?